Attracting Opposite Personalities

The Player is never intimidated and rarely refused, but sometimes, the finest catches require the most amount of work. Few scores are as sweet as the opposite personality -- the woman who sits on the exact opposite end of your spectrum. Clearly, the reason for the significant challenge centers on one simple fact: You two simply don’t have enough in common. While there is a small shred of truth to the old saying “opposites attract,” it can be extraordinarily difficult to approach someone who can’t identify with your main interests. How does the jock deal with the arty chick who loves independent films? How does the plumber approach the lawyer? How can a refined gentleman secure a backwater Southern belle for the evening? When the contrast is extreme, your methods may have to change significantly.

Contrary to popular belief, it goes well beyond attempting to establish a common ground or just ignoring your differences. Those can be good options -- find elaboration below -- but things can get tricky, and you’ll have to adapt to an encounter that so often ends in failure. But there is good news. You’re not out to slip a ring on her finger (breathe easy); you’re out for a night of unbridled passion and nothing more. Therefore, you don’t have to maintain the connection for longer than a few hours, and regardless of the situation, any good player can manage that.

Present yourself as the forbidden fruit

One of the primary reasons why opposites can attract is because everyone, deep down, yearns for a roll in the hay with someone who counters their personality in almost every way. Men often don’t realize it, but if you look back at your history, many of the targets you’ve bull’s-eyed have mirrored most of your personality traits. In this case, finding a common ground may be out of the question, so embrace your differences. What would her parents think if you showed up at her door? That’s right, someone who isn’t necessarily a bad person, but an individual who is nothing like their precious daughter. Upon first encountering that beautiful anti-you, begin the prep process by clarifying and perhaps even slightly exaggerating the huge personality gap. It will be evident right off the bat, and she might even participate: “Wow, you liked that movie? I hate all movies that guy is in!”

Take the opportunity to provide some potential examples; perhaps you have friends who had “the best sex of their lives” when they slept with an opposite personality. Or you have a good female friend who consistently goes out of her way to look for men who are different from her in almost every way. You’re not “forbidden,” you’re a great chance for something fresh, exciting and new. As the differences mount, so will the heat.

Avoid talk of likes and dislikes

It’s commonly one of the first topics of conversation, but you’ll know within a matter of seconds that this won’t lead anywhere. You can either take the above hint and run with it, or avoid it entirely. Don’t bother with outlining the obvious; instead, focus on a variety of more obscure topics that you couldn’t possibly care less about. You can humor her if she selects the subject (space exploration, for example), but you want her to know how hot she looks, what your intentions are, and how strong your desire is. Flattery is a big key for this tip, and if the chemistry is there, this is all you should need. But if you find she’s intent on revolving around the obvious differences, don’t continue to dodge the conversation; that will only come across as impolite and suspiciously evasive. If this happens, snag another tip from this list and go with it (perhaps “Take an interest in her interests”?).

But if she’s more than willing to ignore what sets you two apart, then why bother taking the risk? If she’s smiling and laughing, and you’re clearly on the right track, then a lack of common ground becomes a non-issue.

Present yourself as a learning opportunity

Experience is never a bad thing, and learning should always be a major part of your dating life. She might see that angle as well, especially if you bring it to her attention early on. Perhaps you can start with something like, “You know, it’s tough meeting people who don’t like everything you like,” or “I think it’s fun meeting women who have something original to offer.” Translation: You have something “original” to offer and she’ll be able to learn from this experience. You may be a Player, but most women carefully file away all their dating experiences and utilize them on a consistent basis throughout their adventures. When was the last time you approached a woman who didn’t at least once mention an ex? How often do you think she’s comparing you to other men she’s known? Essentially, your differences present the perfect opportunity to learn a bit about individuals with opposite interests.

Take an interest in her interests

You find her opinions and thoughts to be fascinating, and she’s going to know it. You’re so often saddled with women who have nothing original to say, whose every word and phrase is painfully predictable. It’s just so refreshing to meet someone so different, and you appreciate her varying likes and dislikes; a difference of opinion adds spice to any encounter. Select any one of the preceding statements, make it one of your opening lines and you’re golden. Just be wary of overplaying your hand to the point where you’re clearly patronizing her. This tip requires top-notch observance skills; you have to keep an eye on her behavior as she speaks, and her reactions to your reactions are crucial. If you’re nodding your head and repeating, “Wow, that’s really interesting” over and over, you’re gonna see the rolling eyes and the wry grins. Unfortunately, there’s no two ways about it: You actually have to listen.

If you listen, regardless of how you feel about the topic, you can at least formulate some intelligent comments and questions. And by the way, any good Player knows that listening and taking an interest scores you big points, so it’s win-win.

Don’t be a pretender

You two are different, so don’t make a pathetic attempt to understand and agree with her stance on social mores or politics. Don’t just sit there like a goof going, “Hmm, you’re probably right about that.” Don’t abandon your own personality simply because you’re faced with a polar opposite; many guys will attempt to dodge the land mines by being a pretender. You’ll immediately appear as if you have zero substance, no mind of your own and worse, you’ll probably step directly into a trap without knowing it. She’ll see right through the pitiful ruse in no time: Do you honestly believe she doesn’t notice how different you two are? Besides, she obviously has no qualms about revealing who she is, so why insult her by veiling who you are? This situation has great potential, and attempting to override it by being a pretender is one of the worst mistakes you can make.

This is a good rule for just about any flirting situation. Understandably, who you are doesn’t matter as much when you’re not hunting for a life companion, but it’s nota classy or refined tactic. And that flies right in the face of everything you stand for, correct?

Use your differences to generate heat

Much like the “Take an interest in her interests” tip, this requires excellent observational skills and should only be attempted by the dating professional. Rather than avoiding the subject, and rather than skirting the issue when she pipes up with something you vehemently disagree with, you unleash with a fiery rebuttal. This works best with women who are talkative and charismatic, and after feeling her out for a few minutes, you should be able to discern if this is a viable option. If she seems more shy and reserved, don’t bother following this path because it’s just too dangerous. Get yourself locked in a heated debate -- the subject matter is irrelevant -- and let that heat boil over into another kind of heat; let it feed the flames of passion.

What, you’ve never heard of angry sex before? Then go watch A History of Violence (but no hitting the lady!).

opposites do attract

Whenever you encounter someone who appears to be your exact opposite, it can be difficult and even a little intimidating, but you do have options. You always have options. You can choose one of these tips early on and go with it, or you can wait for a few minutes and then select a plan of attack.

Either way, if you’re not prepared for a conversation you’re not familiar with, shooting from the hip can be a risky proposition, and the consequences are immediate. You’re continually walking a tenuous line with this scenario because the two of you are on completely different wavelengths. The trick is to meld those wavelengths together, thereby creating that sensuous melody both of you understand. You simply need to translate the situation into a language that you’re comfortable with, and I can help you do just that.